Perennial Problems – The Ones That Never Go Away

Perennial Problems, arguments, needs

What do you do with the perennial problems in your marriage? The kind of arguments that make you feel like you’re living in Groundhog Day, but in your relationship. Those arguments that just come back over and over and over again.

It depends on whether you can manage them. Some arguments are just unsolvable. They are because of fundamental personality differences. Or because of lifestyle needs between the two different people. That’s normal, and that’s okay. It’s not wrong. It’s just different. Your needs are different than your partner’s needs. They’re not wrong; they’re just different. That’s fine.

If it keeps causing major conflict like yelling or screaming, that’s not managed well. If it’s something that you have an occasional disagreement over, but you learn how to roll with it, that’s managed.

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A common one is about sex. There’s usually a higher desire spouse and a lower desire spouse.

Another one might be money. You have a saver and a spender. Another one might be parenting.

You have somebody who prefers higher discipline and someone who prefers lower discipline.

It could be any of these. It could be all these.

The point is, can you manage it and can you roll with it? What do you do when you can’t handle it? That’s when it might be time to see a therapist. It might be time to sit down and explore what both of your values about those things are.

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It’s actually okay. It’s actually normal to have some perennial problems. Things that just keep coming back.

Don’t let them discourage you. It’s part of life.

By Dan

Founder, Executive Director, Mental Health Counselor at Restored Life Counseling