Marriage Personal Growth

The most important team in your life

Around New Years this year I wrote an article to the effect of the unified husband and wife achieve more. People who share common goals have a greater likelihood of achieving their goals. Dave Ramsey, in his book EntreLeadership, uses a metaphor to show the synergy of working in teams. I think the number one team that anybody should focus on is their marriage.

The metaphor is the Belgian Draft horse; it’s one of the largest and strongest horses in the world. A Belgian Draft horse can pull by itself about 8,000 pounds. If you pair that horse in a team with a horse that is a stranger they can pull between 20 and 24,000 pounds. But if two horses are raised together and trained together they can pull 30 to 32,000 pounds.

So two horses that are strangers to each other can pull roughly three times as much as just one horse. Two horses that know each other can pull almost four times as much as one horse. Dave Ramsey talks about that as synergy.

I think in a marriage that synergistic effect is a function of the level of intimacy. Intimacy is what I spoke about in the last video and why I wanted to explain that first.

The more that you have:

  1. a shared vision,
  2. a shared set of goals,
  3. a shared set of values,
  4. and then sex on top of it,

… the greater things that you will do as a couple

The greater you will function as a marriage. Inside the home, outside the home, with your kids, at work, with your friends, wherever. Intimacy is a force multiplier in marriage.

Leadership Marriage

What is real intimacy?

What exactly is real intimacy? It’s a whole lot more than just sex. A lot of times in our modern culture we use the word “intimacy” as a euphemism for talking about sex. There can be intimacy, non-sexual intimacy in lots of relationships or lots of areas in your life. The developmental phase that you hit in your early 20s is the phase of “intimacy.” This is when you’re figuring out what you want to do with your life. The task is to become “intimate” with a career field. To completely know the thing that you’re going to do for your living, for the rest of your life.

What is real intimacy? I think it is:

  1. Having a cohesive vision, the thing that you want out of life, the thing that you want to do in life.
  2. Having a set of goals that defines how you’re going to get there. Goals are the roadmap for that vision.
  3. Having a set of values that puts boundaries around how you’re going to achieve those goals. The sacrifices you’re willing to make or not willing to make.

In a marriage, this is huge. A shared vision between the two of you. What do you both want out of life? What goals do you have? How are you working toward that big vision? What values do you have that you share that put boundaries around what you will and won’t sacrifice? Then of course in a marriage, you can also add in the sex. Intimacy is just part of a connection. A way of describing the connection between two different people, but don’t limit it to sex. It includes a whole lot more than that.