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Leadership Marriage

What is real intimacy?

What exactly is real intimacy? It’s a whole lot more than just sex. A lot of times in our modern culture we use the word “intimacy” as a euphemism for talking about sex. There can be intimacy, non-sexual intimacy in lots of relationships or lots of areas in your life. The developmental phase that you hit in your early 20s is the phase of “intimacy.” This is when you’re figuring out what you want to do with your life. The task is to become “intimate” with a career field. To completely know the thing that you’re going to do for your living, for the rest of your life.

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What is real intimacy? I think it is:

  1. Having a cohesive vision, the thing that you want out of life, the thing that you want to do in life.
  2. Having a set of goals that defines how you’re going to get there. Goals are the roadmap for that vision.
  3. Having a set of values that puts boundaries around how you’re going to achieve those goals. The sacrifices you’re willing to make or not willing to make.

In a marriage, this is huge. A shared vision between the two of you. What do you both want out of life? What goals do you have? How are you working toward that big vision? What values do you have that you share that put boundaries around what you will and won’t sacrifice? Then of course in a marriage, you can also add in the sex. Intimacy is just part of a connection. A way of describing the connection between two different people, but don’t limit it to sex. It includes a whole lot more than that.

By Dan

Founder, Executive Director, Mental Health Counselor at Restored Life Counseling